Jokes & Funnies
A nasty old biker named "TAZ" walks into a bank and says to the woman at the teller window "I want to open a damn checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this bank."The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old biker, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. "I just won 50 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see, " says the manager, "and is this bitch giving you a hard time?"
A drunk biker is riding through the city and his bike is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over. The cop says to the biker, "Where have you been?" "I've been to the pub," slurs the biker. "Well," says the cop, "It looks like you've had quite a few." "I did all right," the biker says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell off the bike?" "Oh, thank heavens" sighs the biker. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
A middle aged woman standing nude, looks in the bedroom mirror and

says to her husband."I look horrible. I'm fat, my boobs and my backside are getting more

saggy by the day, I find a new wrinkle every morning and I think I'll have to go up yet ANOTHER

dress size." Sitting down with her head in her hands she continues, "I just feel so old and ugly....... can you

please at least pay me one compliment"

The husband replies....."Well if it's any consolation, your eyesight's f***ing perfect!!"
This biker lady has a heart attack and is taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, and tummy tuck. Since she had so much more time to live, new roads to ride, she figured she might as well look even nicer.

After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While riding her motorcycle home, she was run into by a delivery truck and killed. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40+ years? How come you didn't pull me out of the path of that freakin' truck?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."